Inherent Worth and Dignity

On Sunday I attended a UU church for the first time in six weeks.  The sermon was based around the life and teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and I heard the phrase "inherent worth and dignity" many times.  That phrase comes from the first of the seven Unitarian Universalist principles: "We affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person."

I had been thinking of doing seven posts about the UU principles anyway, and didn't know how to go about writing that first one.  Everyone who knows me knows that I am passionate about equality between peoples of differing ethnic groups, genders, sexual orientations, religions, nationalities, ages... the list goes on and on.  I could foresee the rolled eyes as they read down whatever I had to say on the subject: "Jeez, is she on her soapbox again?  We get it, Rachel, you love gay people.  You can stop talking about it now."

But this morning, I had a thought that sparked me to wonder--maybe my blind spot about the inherent worth in every human doesn't lie with others.  Maybe the trouble I have with worth and dignity is with my own.
I've already said that I am not going to use this blog to dwell on and/or analyze what went wrong in my marriage and led to its demise.  But I will say this: I believe people treat us the way we show them we deserve to be treated.  In my relationship with my husband, this is what I showed him:

"I don't think I am beautiful, so I'm not going to try to be.  I don't think I can make money or be successful.  I don't think I have a likeable personality, so I'm going to sequester myself in the house.  My value comes from how well I cook, clean, and please you in bed.  I do not deserve to be valued just for being me."
And so, unsurprisingly, he treated me as though these things were true.  He treated me how I showed him he should treat me.

Kabbalist Karen Berg writes in her book God Wears Lipstick: "When it comes to forgiveness, everything you experience is a test.  When you become stuck in an unforgiving posture, you have not yet learned the lesson.  The essence of forgiveness lies in understanding that there is really nothing to forgive.  No one has harmed you, nor can they ever harm you.  Everything is a reminder to let go and trust God.  Other people never truly hurt you; you hurt yourself by disconnecting from the Light.  Everything in our lives is designed to help us remember this fact."
So I am not angry, or even overly sad, about the end of my marriage.  What kind of life would I have had if I had spent the rest of it believing those depressing things about myself?  What kind of model would I have provided for my daughter as she grew into a woman?

The life lesson I am taking from Lee's and my divorce is this: I can be successful and self-sufficient.  If I carry myself in this way, I will attract people to me who treat me as though I have limitless worth and dignity...

Because I do.